Sunday, January 4, 2009
I'm supposed to be asleep now cause I'm supposed to set off to work at 0830hrs but I just can't sleep..
It's already 2009 omg and I kept on telling people I'll start school July next year la, start training Jan next year la, the more alert ones would immediately remind me hey it's already 2009, the more blur ones would just nod and then ask, ehk now is Jan right? Already 2009 lar..
............
It's already 2009 and I'm still single.. Don't know why but I just can't forget him.. Honestly I'm still thinking what really caused the break up? Was it me? Or was it him? Or was it both of us? I keep telling myself not to think of all these nonsense and to stop thinking (and especially stop crying) about him. But I just can't. Just the thought of calling him would make me shed some tears and thinking about him would make me insomniac for the whole night.
He promised me that by Aidilfitri, I would have forgotten about him.. Shucks, up till now my love for him is still the same..
The break up has made me a fiercely independent woman (I'm allowed to be called a woman cause I'm turning 21 =D). And I realised that I've actually built a damn high wall when it comes to the opposite sex. If he's below 25, it will be automatically "kau aku" with the exception of a couple of guys lar tapi tu pun cause of awkwardness. If he's 25 and above, it will be strictly brother and sister kind of thing.
Sometimes I fear that I will end up a spinster..
Would I?
I kept on hurting and scaring guys away for the sake of defending myself. And defending the love I have for Nadhir. Gawd I actually put his name here.. He's gonna hate me..
Haiz..
He's going for NS soon.. How I wish I could come for his POP.. It has always been my ultimate wish to be there during his POP. But now, my wish has turned into a dream that will never realise.....
I'm sorry to all the guys whom I've hurt or scared away.. I just can't forget my ex and I'm actually a lil bit afraid that guys would fall for me cause I don't wanna fall for other guys until I can totally 1000% forget Nadhir.. But it's hard to forget him when everywhere I go, there will always be people who are friends with him or somehow, just related in other ways like having mutual friends and stuff. And people kept telling me they saw him here la they saw him there la when I've never seen him anywhere!!! So unlucky of me.
Everything I do remind me of him. Even my busy schedule will make me think of him cause I've always thought I've neglected him and prioritised my work more than him and always spending more hours at work rather than with him which eventually is our one of the reasons we broke up.. I really regretted not spending time with him as much as I spent my time at work.. But I was trying to save money for university.. Haiz..
Nothing he did can ever make me turn off..Even though he went up with other girls, I've never ever stopped loving him.. In fact, I've never even gotten angry.. Just a bit disappointed and will keep on praying he will go nowhere with any of the girls and for now, that bit of my doa terkabul Alhamdulillah..
I just hope he will come back to me by the time he ORD..
I really miss him.. Too much.. I thought my extremely busy schedule can make me forget him but how wrong, I still think about him all the time.. And the worst think is, so far I've only met a guy introduced by someone and it's cause he looks like Nadhir.. How bad am I?
So yeah, maybe friends should give up matchmaking me..
Cause I'm still thinking about Nadhir..
Let a guy who really likes me run after me, sweep me of my feet and make me forget Nadhir..
Let that guy come naturally.
Anyhow, these will be my New Year 2009 resolutions:
1) Be more punctual for work.
2) Study hard for my degree.
3) Make Smoking Peacock a success.
4) Lose more weight.
5) Stop scaring guys away especially the cute ones XD
6) Start sleeping early.
7) Save more money.
8) Stop crying myself to sleep.
So yea that's it.. Shall blog about Ameerah's wedding after this..
Good morning yaw..
I'm still not sleepy..
Haiz...
Peace out people!!Labels: Happy Belated New Year 2009
secrets within @ 3:43 AM
