Monday, May 12, 2008
Looking at my tagboard makes me feel like I'm in my secondary school years..
Ok I admit, when I was younger, in sec sch and yea perhaps in pri sch, I was damn bitchy and I loved gossips. Boy, even till this day, a lil bit of girly gossips won't hurt..
And it's perfectly normal having gossips circulated across schools, for my case, from Ma'arif over to Aljunied over to Alsagoff over to Arabiah over to Wak Tanjong over to Al-Irsyad..
And the circle goes round and round and round..
But, the stupid thing is:
[NOTE: I'M GONNA BE MERCILESSLY BLUNT.]
If people were to keep on and on and on judging me based on things that happened in the past, how do you suppose do I change for the better?
If you keep on telling a child he's stupid, he'll forever be stupid cause no matter how hard he tries, people will still call him stupid..
Yes, I was defensive over my friends, but I believe for most of us, both secular and madrasah educated people,when we were growing up,we put friends in the top priority list and at times, family can even be 2nd on the list..
If you're not one of those people stated above, shut up, you're the minority.
Of course it all balls down to the upbringing but at the end of the day, it becomes individualistic..
If your parents force you to write with your right hand but you just can't and don't feel comfortable, you'll still ended up writing using your left hand right? It's a matter of choice..
Yes, I did talk about some people I don't know who I got to "know" about due to 2 things:
1) Famous
2) Infamous a.k.a notorious.
And I wounldn't talk nasty things about a person unless that person is notorious..
And to [=))] I probably talked about you at that point in time long long long long long time ago because what? Because you were notorious.
Simple ain't it?
And I know that people I don't know talked about me too. It was normal for me and some of my friends to have people we JUST got to know saying things like "ouh so you are Hikmah/Fyra/Krun/Wati/Wano/Era/Na"
And for your information, Fyra and I have had our fair share of backstabbing..And for your convenient info also, Fyra and I ceased friendship from mid sec 1 up till late sec 3 over a huge mistake I did. I have apologised to her but it took years to forget 1 horrible mistake as opposed to the gazillion deeds I did for her.
And if Fyra were to remember and keep on dwelling into the past and remind me of it up till today, I think I will lose all the confidence and self esteem that I have and I don't think we'll stick together now.
I know of people who talked bad things about me in the past, but if I were to keep on dwelling and remember about it, that is the weakest thing a human being can ever do. It would be like lamenting over the milk you spilled when you were a toddler.
Aniway smiley face, how could you be so sure that it was me who talked cock about you? Can be someone using my name to cover up for someone else? Right?
But the point is now, how juvenile it is to dwell on my past?
The good friends I have who I get excited whnever I see them on the street or just about anywhere, are the people whom I disliked and up to the point I hated before.. People I never liked from primary up to secondary school..
And that's because, again, the power of being judgemental and too intrigued into gossips, rumours and just being, again, judgemental.
But when we finally decided to open up, we became companions and chose to sit near, if not next to, each other and when we bumped into each other, we'll kiss cheek-to-cheek or hug or both.
Up till now, if I ever chance upon the blog of somebody who used to talk nasty, unfair things about me, I don't think I would tag, regardless of whether the things that person said about me were nice things or the opposite cause to me, that is so lower secondary school.
We're considered young adults now, and if we're to keep on dwelling about the past, we'll have no future. The past is for us to learn from, not to live by.
What happened in the past, stays in the past, what we should look for now is how the person has grown from the notorious past to the person he/she is now.
Yes, I may be notorious and blunt and random when it comes to the words I use in expressing myself on my blog, but with all the RA (as some of you deem to be) words I use here, don't worry, I hardly even use vulgarities in normal face to face conversation.
In fact, I don't even curse people.
Call me a hypocrite, for all I care, please, you're welcomed.. But then again, true what Fyra said, what you see or heard is not what you always get.
secrets within @ 9:10 PM
