Saturday, April 12, 2008
I cried till I can't breathe just now..
Was damn bored at home so I went to my folder and browsed through my files..
Then I decided to look at old photos of mine..
And clicked at a folder dedicated to him..
And I cried looking at our old photos..
All those memories..
Each picture holds a gazillion of precious memories..
Memories still very much fresh in my mind..
All those sacrifices we both made..
All those promises..
How things changed in ths 2 years..
He's no longer Nadhir..
He's Aboo..
I remember he once told me..
"I skarang bukan abu lagi, I tak suke orang panggil I abu, I Nadhir..Abu da takda lagi, skarang Nadhir"
Something like that..
But now..
He's changed..
He's not my Nadhir anymore..
He's someone else's Abu now..
But I'll keep on praying..
Cause I still believe..
Time will tell I know..
Moving on doesn't mean I have to stop loving him..
Right?
If people who truly LOVE you are not giving up on you, please don't give up on yourself..
I'll do all it takes to bring Nadhir back..
Even if that means he'll no longer be mine..
I don't know..
I just hope everything will turn out the way I want it to be..
The way all who love him want it to be..
This is a test for me..
A real test..
I remember reading an entry by Jason Pereira..
He said, when you look at your gf/bf and think stupid things like why am I with him/her, you think back, you look at your bf'gf, why you fall in love with that person..
When you've realised, thank your bf/gf to make them feel loved and appreciated and also to appreciate them..
Something like that lar..
I did that and everytime, I fell in love with Nadhir even more..
I'll pray everyday, every single moment of my life..
If we're meant to be, he'll return to me..
I know I've said that a gazillion times about my previous ex, Fadli..
But the thing is, when we broke up, he was missing from my prayers, I'll always forgot or never even thought of praying for him.. At least not for the first few days..
I myself was astonished at that point in time cause when I was about to fall asleep then I'll realise that I didnt pray for Fadli at all..
Or even if I did, the feeling wasn't strong enough..
But Nadhir..It's different..
He's never missing from any of my prayers..
And it has been 3 months..
Entahlah..
Ok why am I telling all these..
The single feeling is nice..
I can now smile back at cute guys who smiled at me..
For instance that HOT lifeguard at sentosa..
Huwaaaa..
I'm still flattered ok..
It's been so long since I last made eye contact with cute guys and receive smiles from them..
Syiok seh haha!!
But I'm only flattered..Not up to the point of getting butterflies in my stomach..
Only him gives me butterflies..
Okay I know I sound like some psychotic desperado..
But this is what I truly feel..
I know of people who commented on me on their blogs about my over-ness in showing love and affection upon Nadhir..
But that's the way I am..
I'm very generous when I love someone..
At least I do that only to my bf..
At least I don't blog about (in)famous conquests of guys..
How I dated different guys every 6 months or so..
Right?
Itu lagi tak tau malu, macam perempuan murahan..
Right?
Gosh I'm so missing my girls..
The sentosa outing was damn fun!!
Morning till evening at Sentosa, mandi laut..
At night go watch movie..
How comfortable..
Let's do that again babes..
Heh..
"Terkenangku senyumanmu kali pertama berseminya cinta..
Kini tiba penghujung waktu..
Saling berlinangan nan pilu..
Setia ku menyayangi..
Tiada ku kesali..
Walau kian hanya berteman seribu kenangan..
Bagiku terlalu indah..
Setiap detik bersama..
Rela akhirnya ku terluka
Dariku hidup tanpa kenal cintamu..........."
secrets within @ 9:35 PM
